"THIS IS NOT FAIR..."

its 1 month already ....


I can pretend to be happy. I can do a lot, but what I CAN'T do is pretend that 
'I don’t love you.'

YA Allah, I am so tired of people telling me to move on and get over it. No. I can't . It's so hard Ya Allah . so hard.

dulu ...

you said ...

"you r my WONDERLAND"

"i will always missed you"

"i will always trust you"

"i will always contact you . no matter where im going"

"i wanna see you everyday..."

"i will be there when you need me..."

"i finally knw whats courage means when i found you"

"you're the most tougest loving person ive ever met"

"its possibly to find someone like you"

"this is the best for us"

"you're the one who changed me to be a better person"

"i will watching you from the distance."

you asked me to stay in college.

"bcs, thats the only way i could see you"

and you said..

"i love you Mawa!!"

and
when you said I LOVE YOU . youre really mean it .

but then......

you said...

"sumpah Demi Allah .  i dont love you selama kita kenal..."

and the most painful thing is ...

"Sumpah demi Allah saya dah couple dengan orang lain."

"because i love her so much..."

tanpa perasaan you saying this to me ? dude, its already 6 month . oh man, dont fking make a girl fall in love with you if you never thought of being with her !

Am i not good enough ? 
does she love you the way i can?

Dear, I tried my best for you, it wasn't enough.?

You said you needed a little time.... but then, you use that time to replaced me ...

Now if you're trying to break my heart . congratulation!. it's really working!!! :'( man, how i wish i never met you . 

Ya Allah, why people easily happy and i was not . It's so hard for me so so hard . Maybe this world really hate me

arghhhhhhhh I just need someone to understand what I'm feeling right now . Seriously, sometimes I hate getting close to people because I think they will just eventually walk out of my life no matter how close we are.

Dear Love, how I wish I could delete all the things about you . But NO ! i can't !

God, for now, I think I'm afraid to be happy because whenever i do get too happy, something bad always happens 

seriously, i still can't believes this happens to me . 

Entah kenapa . saya still tak boleh terima and percaya semua ni . serious!!!

entah kenapa saya still yakin and pasti semua ni tipu kan kan ? :'(
but yah! semua ni awak yang nak . and i let you go ......

I let you go, but it doesn't mean I don't love you. I just don't want you to get hurt because I love you more than myself . but i nver though after i let you go you senang senang accept someone else . arghhhhh It's crazy how quickly you can forget about me

#DearLA saya tak tahu awak kat mana sekarang. you knw its so hard for me . and i know . you too . no matter how long time you takes . i will wait . sebab saya yakin . satu hari . awak memang akan jelaskan semuanya . sebab dan kenapa awak buat saya macamni kan ? awk, seriously, saya still tak percaya semua ni belaku pon . perasaan macam baru semalam kita bergelak ketawa . saya tak tahu . dalam masa sama saya jugak yakin sekarang awak tengah bahagia :') 

awak, bila awak dengan dia . awak pernah tak pikir pasal saya ? tak kan ?

awak, bila saya dah give up and nak pergi dari hidup awak . kenapa awak tak bagi saya pergi . tapi bila saya bangun . saya berharap balik pada awak kenapa awak lepaskan saya ? awak tahu tak , bila saya bersungguh nak kat awak . saya tolak yang ada dan tengah datang . tapi kenapa awak buat saya macam ni ? am i not good enough. ? i guess YES . I try to let go, but in the end, you're always on my mind.

well, it will probably hurt to see you with someone else but i will survive . saya akan cuba bahagia . macam awak cakap . nak lupakan orang tu mudah je . awak, awak kena ingat . saya bukannya macam awak . saya mungkin boleh buang semua yang berkaitan dengan awak . tapi kata kata ataupon conversation kita yang terakhir . takkan pernah saya lupa . ayat awak yang buat saya betul betul broken pon saya akan sentiasa ingat ;') takapa lah awak. sumpah . saya dah redha dengan semua ni . sebab saya sedar bila kita redha pada sesuatu mengecewakan hati kita , ALLAH akan menggantikan kekecewaan itu dengan sesuatu yg tidak dijangka :')

awak, awak jaga diri okay. bawak motor jangan laju laju . ingat . awak pernah masuk icu kan. haa drive pon jgn laju laju . rokok pon jangan isap selalu . kena ingat . awak tu in proses nak berhenti kan ? kalau ade orang cakap buruk pasal awak . kalau perkara tu memang takbetul . awak jangan pukul dia terus okay . tegur je dulu . jangan pergi kedai jauh jauh jalan kaki . bahaya . even awak lelaki . haa satu lagi . jangan menangis bila tengok cerita korea ke cerita sedih sedih k . ingat tauu its really funny .but, the truth is i cant stand to see you crying . awak, ingat janji awak . nanti nak tengok cerita indonesia tajuk dia "LOVE IS CINTA kan ? irwansyah & Acha septriasa berlakon . awak cakap awak nak tengok kan ? taknak nangis kan macam saya ? hahaha :'D awak, jangan kuat merajuk sangat . and kalau jealous bagitahu . sebab sometime, you kena rendahkan ego awak okay . and bila orang ajak bincang or selesaikan something awak jangan lari . sebab sometime penjelasan awak tu penting sangat untuk orang . 

MAWA, im still love you . saya cuma mampu type. awak, saya sunyi takda awak , sunyi sangat. hari hari chat . hari hari bergaduh . saya rindu... rindu nak bergaduh dengan awak, merajuk dengan awak, manja dengan awak, dengar cerita-cerita awak, and bila i fall asleep texting you, awak merajuk . sebab tinggalkan awak. im not leaving you im just didnt want to say goodbye. awak, saya rindu nak tengok awak jealous bila saya borak dengan kawan lelaki saya. cakap pasal lelaki lain . Ya Allah, the truth is saya rindu semua pasal awak . If only I have a power , I will turn back thattime. huh! 

awak, awak tahu saya mcam mana kan ? mood saya selalu okay . dan kadang - kadang mood tu tak okay . kadang kadang saya menggila . awak tetap sabar layan saya. awak jugak yang akan selalu dengar cerita mimpi saya . tiap kali saya jadi hero selamatkan semua orang. awak tahu benda tu mengarot and saya tak mungkin akan jadi macam dalam mimpi tu. tapi awak tetap layan saya . tetap tanya "lepastu sape lagi yang hidup, siapa kawan saya yang tinggal" sebab apa saya cakap awak memang lain . awak je yang paham saya macam mana. 

MAWA, im not sure if you will read this . but if you read this . i wish you will pray for me . biar Allah kuatkan saya dalam menempuh semua ni . saya pon nak bahagia jugak macam awak . sayangkan. lagu lagu yang pernah saya bagi awak dah delete . and sedih saya . phone saya yang ada text awak waktu first time kita kenal . time saya kat kem tu semua . whatsapp semua hilang padahal dah backup .kecuali wechat . thanks . sebab awak pernah harap phone saya tu rosak jugak kan ? doa awak dah makbur la .

awak, jangan risau. someday, i promise i will be okay . just NOT today. saya yakin. kalau ada jodoh, we will tend up being together in future. in sha Allah. Allah knows better. He has better plans for you and me. just have faith.

YA ALLAH, Aku minta kekuatan, kau mengurniakan aku kesulitan agar aku menjadi lebih kuat. YA Allah . aku yakin, If it's meant to be it will be...